Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
