Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Can Purell be used as lube?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
