I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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