Plan B is the new Plan A
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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