smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
this hospital has no fireball
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
