i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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