I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating