I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.