I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?