wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You have to summon your inner elephant
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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