Where did you get a picture of my penis
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
