Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
