I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
