doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
