I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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