you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's official drugs can't kill me
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
