i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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