There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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