I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I think people are normalizing furries
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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