Already got asked if we're dating
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
