I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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