i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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