WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
