Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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