this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
