a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
