remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
