I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
