I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
