After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
