i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
