Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
