Are we in a gay sports bar?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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