i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize