i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
