i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
