i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Randomize
