It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
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Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
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