This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
