You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
