How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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