Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize