Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
