she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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