what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
