whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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