I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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