You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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