So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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