I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
