Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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