You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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