Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
