I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
