How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
