I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
