At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
