Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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