she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
