Texts From Last Night

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  (217): View more from Illinois

  My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.

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  (217): My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you. http://tfl.nu/w1fj
  Replies (26) Good night (5035) Bad night (1026)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.

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  (262): So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt. http://tfl.nu/9ocn
  Replies (24) Good night (669) Bad night (5210)
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  (805): View more from California

  we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home

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  (805): we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home http://tfl.nu/wods
  Replies (17) Good night (1077) Bad night (7933)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.

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  (561): The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy. http://tfl.nu/an4v
  Replies (30) Good night (2151) Bad night (6226)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.

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  (217): The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool. http://tfl.nu/4pl2
  Replies (44) Good night (5292) Bad night (1334)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  apparently i was cut off before i even walked in

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  (405): apparently i was cut off before i even walked in http://tfl.nu/ukez
  Replies (2) Good night (2357) Bad night (1155)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer

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  (519): we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer http://tfl.nu/j198
  Replies (13) Good night (2542) Bad night (841)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples

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  (641): Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples http://tfl.nu/d5pz
  Replies (3) Good night (582) Bad night (1731)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.

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  (416): There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist. http://tfl.nu/x1kf
  Replies (2) Good night (550) Bad night (1151)
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  (949): View more from California

  I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.

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  (949): I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night. http://tfl.nu/qme4
  Replies (9) Good night (1409) Bad night (603)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.

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  (773): I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day. http://tfl.nu/c735
  Replies (4) Good night (976) Bad night (651)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.

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  (813): I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now. http://tfl.nu/w7s6
  Replies (4) Good night (1118) Bad night (485)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.

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  (647): I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover. http://tfl.nu/tjzc
  Replies (1) Good night (1343) Bad night (455)
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  (289): View more from Ontario

  Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.

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  (289): Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player. http://tfl.nu/90yv
  Replies (5) Good night (804) Bad night (585)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.

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  (520): it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off. http://tfl.nu/1ls6
  Replies (2) Good night (620) Bad night (279)

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