How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?