When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
