At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
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your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
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She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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