you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
This baby is an asshole
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real