I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
