He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
