I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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