so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
