so explain again why im purple
no
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
