Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
