Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
