We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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