I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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