I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
