I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
