I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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