a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Are my feet made of real feet?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
