i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
organizing the empties. That sober.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
