Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
