He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you didnt know i had herpes?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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