thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
