you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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